Doug* never knew what it was like to be loved.
*Name changed to preserve privacy.
When he was a child, Doug remembers spending days on end in his basement, with only a black-and-white television for company.
“My mother didn’t want me, and didn’t know how to take care of me,” said Doug. “Today, I would be diagnosed as autistic, but in the 80s, I was just seen as a troublemaker. And my mom couldn’t cope.
“And when I did something my mom didn’t like, she would throw away my toys as punishment – but she never told me. I just wondered where they went.
“I tried everything to get my mom to like me,” shared Doug. “I would draw beautifully detailed drawings and give them to her as gifts. I wanted her to love me. I wanted to feel safe. But that never happened.”
Other family members sometimes came to care for Doug, but there were many times he was left to fend for himself., even when there were adults around.
“I remember being so hungry that I would climb the cherry tree in our backyard, just to get a few cherries to quiet my rumbling stomach.
“I felt like I was invisible, that I didn’t matter to anyone,” said Doug. “I think that’s why I started doing everything I could to fit in, to belong. And that made it very easy for people to take advantage of me.”
In high school, Doug started smoking marijuana and joined in with friends who were drinking. And at first, he didn’t drink all that much. But as his pain grew, Doug drank more and more.
As an adult, Doug went from relationship to relationship, never finding love, or even a lasting friendship.
“My autism meant that I took everything at face value. I would trust that what someone said to me was true, that when they said they loved me, they meant it. I didn’t always understand what was going on, and would often have no clue why someone was upset with me.”
This all came to a head for Doug this April, when he got into a dispute with his landlord, someone that he saw as a friend up until then. The dispute turned physical, and Doug was violently assaulted.
He ended up in hospital. Doug had a broken collarbone, a torn lip and bruises all over his body. And when he was discharged from the hospital, he no longer had a home.
After calling the Region’s shelter intake number, Doug found a room at our ShelterCare program.
“I walked there that afternoon. I had never been so relieved to have somewhere to go, but at the same time I was frightened. I had never been homeless before. Would I be able to handle it?”
But Doug soon found out that he didn’t have to worry – he had found shelter and more at ShelterCare.
“Here at ShelterCare, everything is different. Once I got here, my life started to get better. The staff are so caring – they have taken the time to know me and my story, and I get the help I need.”
Doug struggles with post-traumatic stress, and finds it difficult to sleep at night. Having a safe room of his own that he can rest in during the day is essential for his mental health.
He is also regularly meeting with the on-site counsellor, visits the addiction clinic for ongoing support, and has access to the nurse to get health care.
“But what is making me truly happy is that I’m beginning to figure out things about myself I never knew, and I’m starting to heal, both inside and out.”
Every person who arrives at our shelter comes with their own story, a unique journey that led them to our doors. Like Doug, they are all looking for a safe place to land.
And every day, 100 men find that safe place at our ShelterCare program. Thanks to your generous, faithful support, they receive 365 days of shelter, rest, healthcare, mental health and addiction services, along with one-on-one help to find permanent housing.
Thank you for your care and compassion that is making it possible for men like Doug to gather the strength to leave homelessness behind for good!
